I had my eye on Maia's toys for a while. I love the bright colors and the marketing. When I battery tested the toy for a customer the way the shaft rotates really caught my eye---not an out of control whirling but a subtle circle motion made by the rounded tip which looked appropriate for my G spot.

Now, I've never been a fan of rabbit style vibes. My only other experience with them was a glittered out monstrosity made of cheap jelly which pinched and pulled the walls of my vag.  Not to mention, I found the "rabbit" on the rabbit to poke my clit around and never give it enough contact to make a difference.

Rabbit style vibes are often way bigger than I appreciate, making them cumbersome and well, scary. The Twisty from Maia is on the smaller side with ample thought given to texture. The Twisty is smooth to the touch and didn't have much drag upon insertion. At first glance it appears seamless, but on further inspection I found a faint trace of one.

The package describes the clit stimulator on the Twisty as a "stem." It has a wide twisty base that narrows into an teeny ball shaped antenna. The tip packs the vibes into a tiny area which feels great and usually hits the opening of the clitoral hood, a new sensation for me who usually prefers a lot of pressure and strong vibes on top of the hood.  There are three vibration intensities and 4 other functions, but I actually prefer the lowest setting which provides light but buzzy stimulation directly to the clitoris.

BUT (and this is a huge but) as soon as you turn on the shaft rotations, your ear is assaulted with a high pitched screeching noise that only increases in volume the higher you turn it up. Sounding like a treadmill, the shaft rotates at three speeds, and with each speed a higher volume of the unforgivable noise.

 (An even bigger but) I love the rotation. I love it so much, I've reverted to grabbing it mid-session on a steady basis. I've seen a lot of rabbits in my day and normally the rotation patterns seem like they are trying to blend cupcake batter in your vagina. They are often imprecise and whirl around without consequence. The Twisty does not do this. The only way I can describe the sensation is that it as if the Twisty is lovingly swirling my G Spot around. In a magic circle.

The firmness of the toy balances out the subtlety of the motion while keeping enough pressure to stimulate properly. I do sometimes add in a stronger clit toy to my hood or the toy's shaft which does not vibrate. In several reviews, many reviewers find the clitoral stimulators in rabbits to distract from internal or G spot stimulation. Because the unique rotation pattern of the shaft feels so incredible I am focus on the internal sensations while receiving the additional clitoral stimulation I generally need to come.

I had my first blended orgasms with this toy. The orgasms aren not fast but they are simple, long, and full bodied. Having bought this on a whim, I'm honestly surprised at how frequently I use this toy, or rather how often I can feel my G spot wanting this toy. I had never really been successful at creating and maintaining a pleasurable relationship with my G spot, and the Twisty has done a lot to bring us closer together!

Some finale thoughts:

-The high pitched rotation noise might be too much for some

-Although the low-mid range price point does make up for it.

-Seriously, the magic circle G swirl is worth having in one's life.

You can get it at Love Honey.

-

It is a corporate Christmas party, and I feel clumsy.

I shift uncomfortably. I do not belong. Or maybe I do and I simply don't like it.

Both options are unappealing, and I am unsettled by my contradictions.

This is business.  Why am I here?

This question threads together my day-to-day. I should be writing about my experiences, but my hand is heavy to the page. The questions begin to multiply, raising my pulse and stirring up doubt.  What is there to say? Why am I doing this? What is the value in me doing this?

This last question is inextricably tied to how we view ourselves as social subjects. It is a question that could only be asked in a society whose economies of desire and pleasure are measured by singularity. How does your experience translate to a dollar value? What is your material worth to this company? Is it worth it?

I said for a long time that feminist theory saved my life. My theoretical imagination allowed to me to render all that haunted me into abstraction. By turning everything around me into a concept I was in control, I knew what the relationship between pleasure and labor was, how patriarchy deploys shame to police women, and how sexism works. That was all undone very quickly as I heard stories, answered questions, and generally observed life in the shop.

There is a woman with a kind face and chestnut hair. She speaks in a slow Southern draw, different than the harsh fragmented Appalachian growl I am used to. Every time I open my mouth, she says "Bless your heart. You're just so good at this."

There is a woman in line and she is scowling at me. It startles me and as I catch her eye, her lips curl in a snide snarl. Worthless, whore, disgusting. Its not the first time, and my eyes flash cobra gaze that I am everything she thinks I am.

There is a man, who asks me what my boyfriend thinks of me "doing this." I tell him that I would not date someone who doesn't respect and value my decisions. He says yes, but he can't imagine a woman being around so many porn movies. I tell him that I write about porn.

Which someone else interprets as that I write porn, which while untrue, sounds cooler.


A woman laughs at me in disgust.

Someone tells me that a woman manager was once attacked by a customer.

An elderly couple, who radiate love, are laughing happily together. The woman and I scour through racks on an empty Sunday morning, reading the plots to movies out loud together and trying to pick some good ones. "I want the girls to be pretty" she says.

There is a woman recovering from a hysterectomy, who has a limited sexual vocabulary with which she is comfortable. And I am Nancy Drew, deciphering clues. There are a lot of whispered analogies and hushed euphemisms. She says thank you and means it.

A man tells me that he was embarrassed, but feels better now.


All is full of slowly worded confessions, euphemistic codes, life narratives, and judgments. "Am I sick? Am I disgusting? Do you think I am disgusting?"

I see people where no one is supposed to see them. Many arrive cloaked in shame and I often wonder if I am just another peg in the shame industrial complex.

Distressed, I turned to Amber Hollibaugh's My Dangerous Desires which is one of the few places I feel home. In her introduction to the book, Dorothy Alison writes about how she hid in fiction writing to escape her immense fear of biography.

• "The grace of fiction is that you can tell a larger story than the world has yet acknowledged---and pretend, at least in part, that you are not completely present in the story you tell" (xvii). 

The grace of academic writing lies in that it can and will only be understood by a small, specific population. But, this isn't grace so much as it is a privilege. Stripped of dense verbosity, what could I possibly have to say? Why should I say it?

Because I want to. I find myself surrounded by women who know what they want. Women who articulate what they want and have gone off to find it. Women who are assured, and strong, and unafraid to inhabit a space that most assume we are all terrified to be in. They reassure me, they make me laugh, they trust me, and we share time together.

I arrived there looking for what Lynn Comella calls "sex positive synergy." What I have found is a messy navigation of shame, wanting, histories, and hyper-capitalism. I found myself living in my body differently, and while I am often distraught and upset, I am often profoundly moved by the temporary intimacy some allow me.

Picking out lube is a relatively new phenomenon for me. Before I began using toys internally, I never used it. I knew the basics of lube shopping, the differences between water and silicone based etc, but everything I tried seemed to leave me in distress. This was before System JO's Agape entered my life.

A woman from JO came in to help us learn about their products. When she passed around the agape tester, I was startled by how close its texture and viscosity came to "the real thing."Its marketed toward women who are particularly sensitive and I found it mild while still capable of doing the job.

It took me a while to warm up to the idea of buying yet another bottle, though I don't know why. At the end of it all, the Agape was the only lube that ever made a lasting impression with me.

System's Jo's Agape contains neither glycerin nor silicone. It's a rather thin consistency, and works best for vaginal use. What appeals to me most is that it's light and thin. This might lead you to think that you'll need a lot of it.

Not true.

When I overuse it, it can become gummy and generally unpleasant---countering its most positive aspects. Start with less and add more, as needed.

When used in the proper amount, it feels clean, slick, with NO tacky after-mess. Go get some over at System Jo or Amazon.

I have to be honest, Kendra was my least favorite of The Girls Next Door. By a lot. So when I saw her line of toys for Evolved I was already biased against them. 

After presenting at the Feminist Porn Conference in April, my post-graduate plans were decided: to enter the sex and wellness industry on a less academic, more people oriented level. I had visions of grandeur that I would leave Athens, Ohio for a city with a women centered sex-positive shop like Good Vibes where my dreams of helping folks with their questions on sexuality would come true.

 I can't afford to move somewhere like that just yet.

So I took a job at a sex shop in West Virginia. Industrial park style, behind a (perhaps functioning but nearly abandoned) truck stop off a major highway.

Not exactly my vision but I love what I do.  I wanted to place my work in a larger context. And HERE I AM.

My intent for this blog is multi-fold. On a basic level, sex-toy and porn reviews will make a majority of my posts. I also want to account for my experiences, reach out to others, and bring some much needed sex-positive info to an area that is deprived of it: Appalachia.

But I figure I should prolly introduce myself:

You can call me Peep, for now. I'm finishing my thesis on feminist pornography and women's sexuality in 21st century film and video culture. I have presented excerpts from my thesis and given workshops on various issues regarding gender and sexuality across the United States and Abroad. I taught two courses : "Beyond the Gaze: Feminist Film Critique and Theory" and "Screening Sex: Intro to Porn Studies." I've additionally given lectures and workshops on queer femininity and identify as (a) queer femme.

For the most part I'm a theory nerd. But a thinker cannot live on theory alone. And that's why I'm here!

Cheers to new friends, meaning making, and the beginning of something new!